Betrothed (2002)

Oil painting on canvas 70 x 80 cm 

Inspired by the following dream:

Kindred Spirit (dated March 14th, 2000)

…(previous scenes are irrelevant).... We step into a pub-like area. I see a priest (he is slim and he has black hair) who, I have noticed, has been as interested and aware of his surroundings as I am and I feel the need to speak to him. I ask him if I can speak to him in private. He leads me to another place in the pub but other people are too near to us - I point this out and we move to sit at a table. I’m feeling nervous and shy and stumble in my words at first as I whisper in his ear but then I decide that all I can do is just go ahead and say it so I tell him what is on my mind in a rather poetic or philosophic way. I don’t remember the text but it came down to how I felt that he was like me in “experiencing and observing all in life with true awareness and that that is the way to honor God.” We were obviously on the same wavelength and we feel very close. We both move our heads to kiss but then I remember his priesthood and say, “oh, is this allowed?” He said something and I asked, “So it is allowed when you are betrothed to someone?” He then explained that it is allowed when the intention to marry has been expressed and that this can be arranged within a few hours. I didn’t feel anxious for it, just peaceful. I went to another table to write down all that I had said to him and then, to protect the privacy of it, I strike everything out but it is still legible and I tore it up. Again for privacy I’m thinking of throwing it away at home instead of here since this is a public place but then I realize that ‘they’ will go through my garbage so it is safer to throw it away here and that’s what I did.

From Dream to Painting

The pub I painted is imaginary inspired by the dream. I could not remember what was on the back wall above so I filled it in with my waking-life imagination. The bench on the left is also imaginary and I have left out the other people who were sitting there and standing elsewhere because I felt that it would strengthen the privacy and intensity of the moment between the two people kissing. The letter I wrote I did indeed write on the table where it is lying in the painting, I feel rather sorry that I do not remember it word for word as it was quite beautiful. What is different here is that in the dream I did not leave it lying there. I am surprised that I was so bothered about keeping this private in the dream as in real life I’m very open. Or maybe that’s exactly why…

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Bruised (2001)

Oil painting on canvas 70 x 80 cm 

Inspired by the following dream:

Bruises in the shape of the Americas (dated August 1st, 1999)

There were bruises on my neck and back, in the shape of North and South America. I also wrote down “Cocex” I looked it up: it’s Coccyx. I must have asked the English word for it and wrote it down phonetically. I think the one on my back was there (tailbone)

From Dream to Painting

This is my first dream painting. New at painting I figured it would be best to choose something simple. It was, of course, anything but simple, having no model to use for the back and having no previous experience in painting people. I suppose it is noticeable but it does not faze me, as it was the best I could do at the time. In the dream it was I looking into the mirror, I did not paint myself, the painting is not about me, it is about the symbolism of the dream. The other thing that’s a little different from the dream is the size of the bruise, in the dream it was more on my neck than on my back and it wasn’t so big. The part about “coccyx” surprises me as I don’t remember what this was about, and it wasn’t on my tailbone as I remember it… it is all very vague and I must say, to this day I still don’t know what this dream was about.

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Secrets (2002)

Oil painting on canvas 70 x 80 cm 

Inspired by the following dream:

SMSje (dated July 25th 2002)

I had a new boyfriend. We were in a shop. I walked on a bit and opened a drawer of a chest that was for sale. Inside the drawer that I had opened there was a handbag that belonged to an old lady. I quickly closed the drawer and excused myself towards the old lady. She was very sweet at first and she asked, “Did you see what was in it?” and I said, “I only saw a white handkerchief.” Then she became extremely angry with me and was completely convinced that I had been going through her handbag, she said that I was after her money or something like that. Now if there’s one thing I cannot stand it would be being blamed for something I’m totally innocent of and I became even angrier than her. So I shouted back and I said something really bad to her in Arabic (which translates into ‘may God destroy your home). Then I looked at my new boyfriend and thought “oh no, now he sees me like this.” We left together but since then we did not see each other anymore and he didn’t even call me. Then I sent him a message on my mobile (the SMSje) to ask where we stood. Only when I saw him again by accident and we had walked a fair bit did he send me a message back saying we would only be friends. Alas, I figured, friendship is better than nothing at all.

From Dream to Painting

The scene with the drawer set, the handbag and the lady fascinated me. In fact I found it so inspiring that I started painting it immediately and was done in no time. There are a few transformations from dream to painting however. I left the drawer I had opened unpainted to stress its rawness, its truthfulness as a drawer that is untouched by the kind of refining we apply to the way we show ourselves to the outside world. I did not include handles because one cannot truly grasp the drawers of the mind/subconscious. The background obviously shows that the symbol shown is in part in the sub- or unconscious. The price tag: I did put the Euro sign but no amount because it really is priceless. Finally, something that I noticed only after it was finished: the shape of the drawer chest, the angle from which I’ve portrayed it, reminds me of a coffin. This reminded me that we take our secrets with us to the grave.

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View of the World (1996)

Silk painting 93 x 91 cm 

This time the painting was there before the dream. The silk painting I made way back in 1996 for an art competition that had something to do with saving the environment. Unfortunately I did not complete it on time. It hangs in my bedroom on the wall facing my bed. My dream used it by placing it somewhere else to make a point:

Even my walk-in closet has been stolen (dated August 4th, 2003)

I wasn’t gone for long, just a few hours. I had been visiting people with my kitten, she’s really tiny still, just a few days or a week old, from a nest of more kittens but this one was special - she has a gift you see. I don’t recall what the gift was exactly but it had to do with being able to do good for people. Her coat was black and brown and oh so cute to see.

Now I’ve come home without her. There’s been a brake in! I walk inside knowing they may still be there, so then I walk back out to find someone with a phone so that I can call the police - they even stole my phone. I call 112 (Dutch emergency line like 911 in the US). As soon as the operator heard my voice she said “oh, you don’t have to say anything, I can hear it from your voice that someone has broken into your home. I will send the police to you right away. In front of my front door I see there is a stack of very old hifi equipment which never belonged to me. I thought to myself “the police will think that this is my stuff and that nothing of more worth was stolen - and I figure the thieves had done this on purpose”

Then I went back inside. All my new stuff was gone, my bookcases (disaster as I love my books), all my CDs! (this is where I get really emotional) and even my walk-in closet has been stolen. It was obvious that they knew how much time they had because they took it apart with the screws. They left only 1 back sheet and a part of the corner closet. They must know me if they were so aware of how much time they had. (Then I think of who it could be)…

I walk on, into my bedroom. It looks like they couldn’t take much from here. However, they did try to steal my painting of the world, as it is sticks out like a meter or so. They tried to remove it but they couldn’t because an electrical chord secures it. I push it back into place but then I hear the police coming and I place it back the way I found it as it is evidence.

Later on someone brought back my kitten.

I’m so sad for what has happened as I had invested so much and now it’s all gone and I could only enjoy it for a few days.

Comments:

What is not so obvious in the dream is that the painting was now in the place where I have my bedroom windows in real life. They tried to remove the way I see the world, but they couldn’t because it was secured. 

Previously I only had a working title for this painting, never quite happy with any title I could come up with. Now I know: it’s called View of the World.

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